She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
