I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize