If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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