my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
