the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
