Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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