I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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