i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
