my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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