Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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