What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
