Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
