if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
