there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
