her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
