i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
