Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
