Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
