i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
