i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
