all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
