shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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