Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
