I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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