I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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