Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize