This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
