The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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