Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
