just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
