Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
