Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
