just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
