The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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