Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
