I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize