I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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