Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
