I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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