I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
