And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
