just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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