My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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