I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
