We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
