I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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