You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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