guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
