I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
