Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
