you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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