I bet he comes in French.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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