I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
