He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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