Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
