I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
