I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
