i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
