I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
