you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
