he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
