I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize