i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
