She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the liver wants what the liver wants
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
