Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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