Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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