Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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