why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize