508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
