Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize