Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
