Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
