I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize