I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
