I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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