You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
