Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
