A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
