I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
