How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
