i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize