just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
