I want to make a zoo with you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
