Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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