you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
