I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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