Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As shirtless as possible
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
