its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
