Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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