I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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