Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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