AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
